Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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