you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
