I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
