Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
