Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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