There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
