perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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