Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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