Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
