I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
