Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
