it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
