Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
