we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
