i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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