I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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