I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
