My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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