Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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