yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
