What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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