brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
