I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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