Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
