benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
