I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
