Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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