4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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