Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
