Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
