"it" just moved
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
