Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
