Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
