Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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