we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
