It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
