Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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