you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
