the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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