Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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