Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
