WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
