dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
