I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
