well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
