Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
