Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
3pm strippers are depressing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
