A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
