Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
