new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
